


The Tick vs The Big Lewdness

by TheFlutteringWhore



Category: The Tick (TV 1994)
Genre: Dirty Talk, Exhibitionism, M/M, Parody, alien analingus, alienalingus, dildo, space milk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-28 22:34:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20433566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFlutteringWhore/pseuds/TheFlutteringWhore
Summary: Pornographic parody of a scene in the episode "The Tick vs the Big Nothing", as if the world needed that. Arthur centric.





	The Tick vs The Big Lewdness

**Author's Note:**

> The Whats may be ugly but they're smart and have nice personalities so into the lewd box they go. Good thing fanfiction is not a visual medium!

"Our race is the most sex-obsessed freaky bunch of whores in the universe. Centuries ago we've learned to harness the power of orgasms and use it as fuel."  
"Your ship runs on orgasms? Wiggy! Well fill her up boys! No pun intended!"  
"That's just it Tick, now that you're around, we've gone flaccid. Humans are so beautiful that we feel self-conscious in your presence, and we can't perform like that."  
"Oh well… here try Arthur! He's a horny little dude!"  
"H-hey!"  
The Whats pushed in a chair with an odd shaped object sticking up from the seat.  
"What's that?"  
"It's the pleasure chair, designed to wring out the most powerful orgasms possible. That in the seat is a replica of our species' penis."  
"Orgasms plural? What happens if I need a break?"  
"Don't worry about that, we have our ways."  
"Keen! Hear that Arthur? Now drop those tights and work your magic!"  
"Geez, at least take a guy out to dinner first…" Arthur murmured, extremely red-faced as he pulled down his pants and boxers. His bottom half bare, he looked at the What translator.  
"Well? Do I get lube or anything?"  
"Ah right, your species' anuses don't self-lubricate. A curious race indeed. No big deal, you may borrow some of ours."  
"Wha…?"  
"Bend over, I'm going to lubricate your anus with my tongue."  
Arthur let out an undignified noise. "That's- that can't be healthy! It's so…unsanitary."  
"I assure you it will be fine. This would not be the first time a What has performed analingus on a human"  
Tick did a double take."...say what?"  
"Yes I do. Come now Arthur."  
The sidekick gulped. "F-fine…" arthur laid his arms on the chair as the What translator kneeled between his legs and placed his hand on his buttocks. Arthur felt his ass being spread and, before he could ever be ready for it, felt a wet tongue slide across his oh so very sensitive entrance. He gasped and squirmed as it lapped at his hole before poking itself in and wiggling a bit. As he felt it slick him up and caress his insides, Arthur made more and more desperate noises. Then, all too soon, it stopped. The tongue was removed with a sloppy sound, leaving Arthur needy.  
"That should do it. Don't want to have you cum too soon now. You have a lovely anus by the way."  
Arthur shakily pushed himself up and turned around. His eyes met Tick's, and he got a thumbs up from the hero. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about everyone watching him as he slid down onto the dildo.  
"Oh god," he shivered, feeling the odd object stretch him.  
"Yes yes, very good. Look how hard he is. This will work very well."  
"Told you, he's a total horn dog!"  
The What nodded and pulled out a remote control and poised his finger on the switch. He looked back at the sidekick. "Are you ready Arthur?"  
"Yeah, I think s-OHHH-HOHH-AAAA!!" He threw his head back and wailed as he felt the dildo come to life, fucking him and stroking his walls with calculated thrusts. Tick watched intensely as his chum moved his hips and chanted the word "Yes!", pleasure dripping from his noises.  
"Feels-feels so good-ah-hh-NIAHHHHH," he moaned intensely as a wave of orgasm rattled him to his very core. Ejaculate shot out of his penis and almost hit Tick in the leg. The burly man responded by clapping.  
"Well done Arthur! You got some distance on that one!"  
The dildo was stopped. Arthur regulated his shaky breaths and looked at the Whats. "How was that?"  
"You've filled our fuel supply a little over half way. We're going to need another."  
Arthur frowned. "I can't! I-I need time!"  
"We don't have time for time, but luckily we have a remedy." He turned to his kin. "What, whatwhat whatwhatwhat what!" The aliens ran off and quickly returned with a glass of a blue fluid.  
"This is space milk. In addition to eliminating refractory period, it goes great with space cookies."  
Arthur took the glass and drank some. Once it hit his throat he felt rejuvenated and a little high.  
"Wow, this stuff really works! I feel ready for anything!"  
"Attaboy Arthur!"  
"But I'm not turned on yet."  
"Not a problem! I'll just tell you sexy things! Let's see...boobs!"  
Arthur snickered.  
"No luck? Okay...pussy!"  
"Please don't ever say that word again."  
"Penis? Ass? ...feet?"  
"You're just naming off body parts!"  
The What translator sighed. "Let me handle this Tick."  
The ugly alien stepped behind Arthur and put his hands on his shoulders. He began rubbing and leaned in next to Arthur's ear.  
"Tell me what turns you on, Arthur."  
He sighed at the tender touch and pondered.  
"Well...I like being...dominated."  
"Oh is that right? Well I'm sure that can be arranged."  
Arthur bit his lip. As unattractive as these creatures were, they really knew what they were doing.  
"Close your eyes." He did. "Now I'm going to begin foreplay. let yourself feel."  
He felt careful hands skim his neck and sneak down his chest. They circled around his pecs before closing in on his nipples. Arthur whimpered as his delicate nubs were massaged.  
"How does that feel?"  
"Feels wonderful."  
The Tick watched as the What's touch caused Arthur's penis to harden. He crossed his arms and frowned. He saw the What's hand slip down to rub Arthur's thighs and Tick marched over.  
"Now hold it! He's my sidekick, I should be the one to get him off!"  
"But Tick, are you sure? I mean, someone with your strength could hurt him."  
"I-it's okay Mr. What." Arthur said, turning toward Tick with a smile. "I trust him."  
The What nodded and backed off as Tick grinned and leaned over his sidekick. He bought his big blue hand up to stroke the chubby cheek. Arthur pressed into it.  
"Oh Tick…you're so handsome."  
"Thank you chum. These ugly specimens may touch you and lick your nethers, but you know that you're all mine."  
"God yes. Tick I need...need your help."  
"What's the magic word?"  
"Please. Please, Tick!"  
"Good boy." Tick skimmed his thumb across Arthur's bottom lip, to which the red-faced man responded by taking the finger in his mouth and suckling on it.  
"Whoa there, I'm supposed to be the one teasing you, remember?" He withdrew his thumb with a line of saliva connecting it to the pouting lips. He stepped back.  
"God Arthur, you're so hard and you haven't touched yourself once. Your poor neglected prick is begging for attention. Why don't you give it what it needs?"  
Arthur hummed and nodded. He brought his hand down and grabbed his cock. He began slow strokes.  
"Ti-Tick, I'm not going to last much longer."  
"Excellent, fire her up boys!  
The switch was pressed and once again Arthur began moaning over and over. Tick started talking in a low, seductive voice.  
"How does it feel, Arthur? Knowing everyone's watching you pleasure yourself? They can hear how desperate for orgasm you are from all of your sexy noises. Now all these people know how much of a dirty boy you are."  
Tick used a finger to tilt the moth hero's head up.  
"Why don't you cum for us?"  
"Y-ES G-AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"  
Arthur screamed as a second orgasm overtook him, even more powerful than the first. This time his cum did land on Tick, on his abdomen and left leg.  
"Nothing a little dry cleaning won't fix!"  
Arthur laid back, feeling the aftershocks ebb as the machine was turned off again.  
"Wow, Tick! Your friend has fully filled up our supply with just two orgasms! Thank you!"  
"You're welcome!"  
Tick walked over to Arthur, who slid off the dildo and was pulling on his pants. He put his hand on his back.  
"You did so well chum."  
Arthur smiled.  
"Thanks Tick."

**Author's Note:**

> Whelp this is the worst thing I've ever written. If you've made it all the way through, congratulations! You get a space cookie!


End file.
